“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action.” ~Deepak Chopra
Here’s the bottom line: we want people to like us. Even when we say we don’t care what people think, we really do.
We desire to be loved, respected, and viewed in a positive light. Our human interactions are vital to our sense of well-being, self-esteem, and happiness. When we discover that someone doesn’t like us or rejects us in some way, our emotions can run the gamut from defensive indignation to deep pain and profound sadness.
For any of us who have attempted to be likable and attractive to everyone, you eventually realize the futility of this exhausting endeavor.
It is impossible to “make” everyone like you, and even if you could, you will ultimately lose your self in the process. When you morph into a people pleaser or an actor playing roles to accommodate those you want to impress, you often alienate the very people you hope to charm.
Only when we see ourselves as lovable and embrace our own authentic qualities, needs, ideas, values, and personality traits, do we release the pheromones of being attractive to others. Although not everyone will be intrigued by your authenticity, those who are attracted to you will generally be emotionally intelligent, mature individuals who value genuine and unaffected relationships.
Self-love, self-confidence, and authenticity are the foundational elements ofattractiveness. To strengthen this foundation and foster the transition from “trying to impress” to naturally attracting wonderful people attracting wonderful people into your life, there are some specific changes and shifts you can adopt.
Learn how to be attractive by taking these 36 actions:
1. Develop your own personal operating system. Carve out and define your own reality, philosophy, values, and interests rather than automatically accepting those of your family, peers, religion, or culture.
2. Begin to let go of the need for validation. Don’t be motivated by the opinions or others or the desire for recognition. Be driven by what is important to you and what you value.
3. Trust your instincts and allow for experimentation. Get to know yourself and discover what you enjoy and find exciting, even if you have to fail a few times.
4. Accept others as they are. Begin letting go of judgments and criticism of others. Focus on people’s strengths rather than their faults. Learn to deal with difficult people without diminishing yourself.
5. Really hear people. Go beyond just listening and understanding. Let people know that you really get them.
6. Take care of unresolved matters in your life. Restore your integrity. Forgive and ask for forgiveness where necessary. Reclaim the energy you have given to these matters.
7. Embrace a healthy lifestyle. Get some form of exercise daily. Eat healthy foods that support your body, not your emotions. Do this because you respect yourself, not to impress others.
8. Cause things to happen. Don’t wait for them. Be a creator, an instigator, a collaborator. Share your enthusiasm.
9. Show people you care. Don’t just talk about it. Show them in ways that are meaningful to them, not you.
10. Require the best of people. See them not only for who they are, but who they can be. Lovingly reflect that vision to them.
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